How do you feel being a MOM?

I'm lost and still lost sometimes.

I feel so exhausted all the time, physically, mentally and emotionally.

I feel so out of control.

I feel so left out sometimes.

Counting my days to civilisation.

I've lost my freedom.

Less time and intimacy with hubby.

No more night out and movies

I get worry and worry when she isn't sleeping well, eating well and even poo or not poo does matters.

Always lack of sleep.

That a baby takes up all of my day and all of myself 24 x 7

How impatience I am...

How many times a nose needs to be blown and bottom needs to be wiped

Forever picking up toys, cleaning up the mess and wiping off the kitchen counter.

Tendency to clear up whatever leftover in the plate

Sometimes I feel like I am working in a battle field

Do everything like an android non-stop

That while I love my child and sometimes I just don't like her.

Things I say to my children that I vowed I'd never say again.

How much I love my child.

All the silly things I say and funny faces I made to my child just to make her wink.

How being a mom brings out the best and worst in me.

That a nine-months-old can bring an adult to her knees in prayer faster than anything else.

That I dislike pink and yet I become a pink freak now

Peek-a-boo many times without feeling bored about it...

I 'm never done with all the chores.

Sniff near the bottom area to check if your child has poop

That I 'd learnt to love Barney even its clumsiness and not very adorable look just because it does wonder on my child.

That I discovered I 'd sing and dance and my child enjoys the most.

I 'd spend hours to shop for baby's stuffs.

Nursery rhyme and children 's tale is all I sing and tell.

I 'd say my day is fruitful if my child eat well and sleep well.

I 'd feel contented If my child is not grumpy and crying a lot.

That I read more now and all about childcare and parenting.

Everyday is a challenge and everyday has something new to discover to make your life busy.

That I am thankful for being a mom, and children is a blessing.

2 hours ME time

It was a long weekend, I finally took my 1st time break for myself being a mom ever since giving birth to Sierra. Seriously I need a time off for being myself again, at least not being a tired mom for 2 hrs. of course I am enjoy and happy to be a mom. For the past 9 months, I never dared to have a thought to leave my baby behind and having fun out there, as day and night we both spend most of the time alone at home. I always tell people that I am the tree and Sierra is the clingy baby koala, that is how I described myself.

I made sure Sierra is well fed, I kissed her and hubby goodbye before I was out and rest assured that my hubby could handle Sierra well. The 2 hrs I spent was a total relief for me, I pampered myself in the Thai Massage, all the aches, tiredness are gone. I was having it at ease and guilt-free, as Sierra is very attached to me all the time and recently she has finally shows some independence in her, it is a truly rewards for me after all the hard work and training.

My heart were wandered in the house while I was indulged in the massage thinking of how would my hubby managed to cope with Sierra the entire 2 hrs. Then, I got his SMS saying Sierra had fallen asleep and to my surprise she slept through the entire 2 hrs. How wonderful! Now that I am convinced my hubby can do all the mommy's tasks and Sierra can adapt herself well without a mommy for a short period. Perhaps, I should give myself more time off :) and just like what hubby said I deserved it

The moment I reached home, Sierra saw me and argued me to hold her in my arms so badly and she hugged me so tight and tight and it was so so sweet. As if like the 2 hrs separation is the whole century to her.

After the 2 hrs spent being myself, I take up my role as a mom again; I cook, I feed, I love, I nurture, I sing out of tunes, I baby sit, I make funny faces, I talk silly, I wipe the buttock, I blow the nose, I play peek-a-boo & hide & seek many times, I stroke, I pat and etc...and still enjoying every moment.

Thanks to my considerate hubby and my lovey-dove baby. I indeed had a wonderful time and found the lost soul ...and now I am fully recharged and ever ready to bring the best in me again.

My Husband - Jimmy

My husband - Jimmy is the most wonderful person in my life, never will I imagine I would married this guy someday. Am I dreaming now? No...of course, we already have one baby girl named 'Sierra'. I called my husband 'dear', when I need attention I would call him 'Jimmy Yong'... :)

He is my prince charming, he is clean and neat, boyish look with spec, never changed his hairstyles for at least 15 yrs, and he is chubby (who cares, I am comfortable in his arm); Whatever it is, he is happy and confident with his overall look, he likes to groom himself a lot, he would have a hair cut every 2 weeks once. And of course I think he has a nice and sexy butt, and he claimed it happily.

He has great personality and optimistic, a popular sanguine like him has a lot of friends. He is sociable, energetic, warm, and helpful. He has got great sense of humour and cheeky, always talk crap and yet full of audience all the time, actually I am one of them and the most loyal ones. One thing I must admit is he is very good in acting and directing, it is gifted and what a waste to the media.

As a husband, he is a great lover and he loves his family dearly; To him family comes first, he would buy things for me and the family generously and be stingy to himself. He is sentimental and soft-hearted, honest, loving, caring, forgiving, respectful, understanding, responsible; He is sweet, as he would give me goodbye kiss before he goes to work and goodnight kiss before he sleeps, and I still enjoying the privilege; He would fill up the petrol tank for my car and I never worried I could not get out from my house without petrol; All the little things he does and gesture he shows, I could feel he cares. He always makes me smile from my heart, he reminds me of all his jokes and funny faces, my life will never bored. He is reliable, somehow he just able to give me the security that every woman yearn for, my trust in him 100%, so please do not fail me.

As a daddy, he is always fun, mischievous, he would make funny faces and he plays like a big boy together with Sierra. He would bath Sierra whenever he is free, dip in the pool with her, changes the diaper, smell her butt to check if she has poop, feed her and etc.

At work, he is the influential and he drives; He is passionate in whatever he does, he is intelligent, focused, always strive to do the best; He has got strong determination and persistent when faces new challenges and difficulties, always full of ideas, solutions. He is mature, he is very sure of what he wants to do and what to achieve in life; He is my good advisor whenever I am in doubt, without emotional involvement.

People may be wondering how perfect could he be, saint meh? Of course, he is not perfect and love is not blind either. He does have his flaws and weaknesses, and I have learn to accept the way it is and embrace it just like the way he does to me. It would be much pleasant to count your blessings than all his wrong accounts. Just to fulfill the curiosity of the human nature, I would name a few of his shortcomings.

He is always forgetful especially names, and I be his reminder; He likes to instruct people without realizing it, and I be the remote control or the 'Ah Si'; He is not a good listener, so I speak in repetition and he thinks I am a nagger and sometimes I do fret about it. He enjoys reading and playing his palm and computer in the toilet while he is doing his 'business', and I help him to detoxify whatever gadget or book before I use it; He farts a lot and loud, and I am immunised to it and hold my breathe; He is not so romantic as he bought me jewelry boxes consecutively 3 occasions in 1 year and yet telling me 'Dear, surprise!' (this show that how forgetful and careless he is); He is insensitive towards my feelings, sometimes all I need is just a HUG or a space for myself, he either talk too much or fully withdraw himself from my sight; He is always amused me with all the little mistakes I made, and we laugh aloud together;

That is Him, my husband... I am thankful for having him into my life, he has spiced up my life. My world is all about him and my baby and many babies yet to come. It is such a blessing for me to have him, the one and only love of my life. Along the way there is always ups and downs, and we share everything and walk through every circumstances and difficulties, and our love remain unchanged and grow stronger each day. What has changed now is we are both parent now, we have different roles to play as a father and mother, more family-center and responsibility, .

I love you, dear... Whatever you do, I know you trying to give and provide the best of the best to the family, and I am always here for you, saying a prayer to uphold you...Just want to say 'Thank You'. If I ever given a chance once again, I would still choose to hold your hands and grow old together...

My little ones - Eating Problem

My little ones Sierra who is 9 months now, refuses to eat all of sudden, reason unknown. She would just clamp her mouth and turn away as you try to spoon feed her. It's quite frustrating for a mommy, you keep wondering whether your baby is having enough food and nutrients. My feelings has mixed up, I'm worried at the same time I'm angry with all the hard work of food preparation, but I can't show my feelings as I might pass on some negative impact on her. I need to cool down before I attend to my little ones each time.

After a few days of struggled, I've come to a conclusion that don't show Sierra that you're bother, be relaxed and cool, If she doesn't want to eat that's fine, just let her play and explore the food given to her, that way she might get some of the food in her mouth while playing. When she is in the mist of playing, you can try to feed her, and you would be very surprised she eats the food. The amount she takes may be insignificant to you, but it's alright so long as she gets something in. Just trust your baby that 's all what she wants. I know it's hard to remain calm when you see all the mess she makes and it seems nothing much she is getting, but being angry doesn't do any good on her behaviour. Refusal of food should be just temporarily, normally lasts about not more 1 week, over the days the eating problem should be improved.

Sierra 's eating problem has turns my life upside down, from worry to being innovative. I think maybe it's time for her to tell me 'Mommy, I'm bored of eating the same old food, texture and flavor, please do something about it, I'm little people and I want choices!' I've done some of the review of the food that I always prepare for her, it's kind of boring, I wouldn't want to eat either... haha. As you know, Chinese always like to cook everything all in one pot -porridge, it 's so boring.

I'm actually quite impress with myself with all the ideas to make Sierra eats, I started making smoothies for her ever morning, I would blend mixed fresh fruits, soy milk, yogurt and ice cream(optional)and serve it with the straw cup, and so far she drink it quite well, at least that's something for her morning if she doesn't eat much for breakfast. Sometimes I would sneak in her cereal, and that's the carbo I wanted her to take. Self feeding is a milestone that every baby will eventually go through. I know it's hard when a 9 months old baby don't know how to spoon feed herself, therefore by offering finger food helps. Whatever you cook, make sure it's soft enough so that she could feed herself. Sierra eats better and happier by feeding herself even though not a lot, and less stressful for me too. Sometimes my girl would just play with the food or being choosy at certain foods, so I would make rice balls and coated with mashed vege and egg yolk or minced meat, I know it sound funny and very troublesome, but to think about it, you don't really care about all the hard works as all you want is just make sure she eats well.

I think it's working, Sierra begins to eat better now. Sometimes babies in a way telling you that she's trying to be independent by feeding herself, so just be positive and encourage. By your positive response and praise etc, who knows your baby 'll becomes a good eater in future. Just be patient and bear in mind that don't force them to eat, babies are also like us adult, they wants choices and rights...just honour it.

After I've sorted all out, I feel better, Sierra 'eating behaviour gets better, and meal time is fun and relax. Just remember babies won't starve themselves to death, If they're hungry, they 'll clear everything that is offered to them, they're smart creature and sometimes they're just trying to test your limits and boundaries.The more you show them your anxieties and worries, the more they protest until you give in.

So, to all the mommies....Don't worry and be happy!

The essense of PEANUT - The Culprit

Sierra has not been eating well, and to make sure she eats well, I made pumpkin soup for her. I know if I would have to cut it into bite size, she would not eat it. At least with her straw cup, she would be happily and enjoying sipping it. Wahaha...



All my in laws were gather in my house for dinner, my mom in law cooked pork rib peanut porridge. During our meal time, Sierra appeared want to eat my food, and I was hesitated to give her for knowing that peanut should be avoided for infant below 1 year old due to allergy. My in laws said it should be okay to pick out the peanut and feed her only porridge and I fed her.



This morning when I woke up, I was shocked to see Sierra with rashes all over her face, immediately I know it is the PEANUT! OH MY, thanks God it is only 2 TBSP, else I could not imagine how would she be over the night without me. Besides rashes, she got back her coughing and cold which are in the process of recovery, I wonder why. Does allergy causes cough and cold? I really do not know. When I told my in laws about the PEANUT incident, they could not believe it as they thought Sierra did not take the peanut, she should not have allergy by consuming only 2 TBSP of porridge but I believe it is the essence of PEANUT behide.



From this incident, I decided to trust my instinct and do what is best for me and my child. No more PEANUT , not until she is One.

Motherhood's struggles

I was counting down my days everyday, looking forward to embrace my little bump to come out. I wanted to hold her in my arms, kiss her apple cheek, play her little hands and toes so much. And after 9 months of pregnancy, finally that moment has arrived. I thought it would be a total relief, as all the morning sickness, back aching, cramping and the extra pounds I carried 'PHEW' would be gone right way. Before I even realised, it is only the beginning.

Caring for an infant is not as easy as what you read in the book, besides the theory and you need practical skills too. Being a first time mom, I was clueless and inexperience. There may be a lot of people around you telling what to do, how to handle and the books you read always have two school of thoughts, and you wondering what am I supposed to do with all these advices and in the end you are lost. One thing I must admit is mother's instinct is strong, somehow you will know what is best for you and baby, so just go with the flow.

Jimmy and I had agreed that I stay home to take care of Sierra full time, I am happy and yet miserable. I love Sierra and I want to watch her grow so much, but at the same times I am unhappy as there are a lot of sacrifices and adjustment to be made. I feel like I am a bird without wings, it drives me crazy that 24hrs x 7days my life evolve about baby...It frightened me, sometimes I feel worse when I could not handle Sierra well. Nobody is there to help me out when Jimmy is at work. I am left alone with Sierra during the day, no friends and relatives, as all of my friends is working executive...Sometimes when Jimmy goes on business trip, my heart sink and I even more vulnerable, the fear, insecurity and loneliness during the night eat up my soul.

Motherhood has been a struggle and challenge for me every now and then, all the worries, frustration etc. Each milestone and every stages Sierra gone through is so different, it takes a lot of patience, efforts, loves, times and you have to be strong and persevere at all time, sometimes it wears me out. I am always tired, always lack of sleep... I am just so confused, that while I love my baby and some days I do not like her. I am just being honest...sometimes I just so fret about my life...

Although there is always bumps on the road, it helps to mould my characters. I become stronger, more sensitive to Sierra needs, more flexible.Hehe...I am always full of ideas and creative, being a mom brings out the best and worst in me.

Despite of all the sacrifices and struggles, I always convinced myself it is worth it... I may not see the outcome now, but I believe in I reap what I sow...Sierra is just a little seed in my hands, I am nurturing her until the day she blossoms and she would be the blessings of many others. That day would be a long long time before I could see it, worry not...as I have plenty of love, faith and hope...